I have decided to take just one class for summer. I confirmed this decision with my academic advisor and I have permission to do this for readmission into the university. Ultimately it was not feasible for me to earn over two thousand dollars in such a short amount of time. So I had no other choice. I'm just relieved that I can take this one class since it will also enable me to acquire an on-campus job, so long as it isn't work-study. I also realize that two courses during summer is rather time consuming. I was fully prepared to take two, especially since I don't have anything really going on in my life right now. I prefer to keep myself busy and away from the apartment and my crazy and bitchy landlord.
David moved some of his stuff into my apartment because he could no longer afford to live in his room. So he's either rooming with a friend, and not me for some reason, and has most of his stuff in storage. I have some of his car stuff, his important documents and some miscellaneous items. And his alcohol which I refuse to drink. I'm picky. I think he might end up renting a loft in an apartment until September. I think he just prefers to be close to downtown or campus where he spends most of his time preparing for his exam and conducting research. He's very busy.
Anyway, I called the dean's office on Friday to let them know that I could only afford one class. My advisor actually picked up the phone and I was on her list of persons to call regarding readmission.
But right before I called the dean's office the landlord told me and another housemate that we would be forced to vacate the unit by the end of the month because she was cancelling the lease. She had a family emergency and needed to sell or transfer her belongings to her family and attend to her grandfather in Mexico who had been in a car accident. My primary concern was getting my deposit back. After her announcement I talked to my academic advisor. I was pretty overwhelmed by the information she gave me and she inadvertently struck a nerve. I started bawling on the phone because she kept insinuating that I would have to speak to someone related to my most recent rape experience.
I managed to calm down enough to confirm that I could take one class for readmission. She promised to call back on Monday.
The weekend was largely uneventful. I told David that I would need to move to a new place. This piqued his interest and he inquired about taking over the lease at my current place. Ultimately it seemed like a bad idea b/c the rent is a bit of a mystery and asking the landlord is like pulling nails. She tends to "scream" at me when I discuss the living situation via text. So I prefer just to avoid her and her drama. I feel bad for her but that does not give her an excuse to act unprofessionally. She is the fucking landlord. She has an obligation to me and the other housemate, period. Frankly she can be a bitch and keep the damn security deposit but I have lost respect and trust for her. I carry my important papers with me at all times now. I just don't want any trouble. I also carry David's. I honestly don't know why he gave them to me.
I asked David if he would like to get a two-bedroom with me. I kind of like the idea of living with him. He is predictable. And given his immigration status he would prefer to avoid trouble. And he is rather skinny so if he tried something I could take him down easily. Overall I do think he tries to be a good person. He acknowledges mistakes and sometimes it seems like he's trying to give me advice so I avoid trouble. I feel like he and I need to talk more because some of the things he does bother me. Like talking about Amanda as much as he does. I mean I get it. They "broke up" or had a falling out about three months ago. But I broke up with my boyfriend less than a month ago. And I'm over it. The boyfriend before that was a thing of the past three months after he abandoned me.
I no longer have a relationship with Amanda. She is essentially a ghost: she doesn't exist in my universe. And since he isn't talking to her she doesn't really exist in his world either. And if Amanda wanted him she would talk to him. As far as I know she hasn't been contacting him.
So I think he either needs to grow a pair and talk to her or move on. He can talk about her sometimes but it feels like he brings her up during 50% of our encounters. And it is starting to bug me. I don't care if he and I are just "friends," out of respect for me he should not talk about Amanda so much. It will trigger me and upset me. It isn't about Amanda or David. It's about reliving the pain I felt by being abandoned by people who I thought loved and cared about me. She was involved in my rape and was among the few people who straight up abandoned me when I was suffering from depression. She and I are not compatible and we will never be friends. Personally I think David needs a therapist or he should try working on a journal or blog like I do on Blogger. This has been very helpful for me in the midst of my pain and frustration.
I am a very emotionally competent person. I generally don't need others to fix my problems. I can do it myself. I only talk to other people to confirm my beliefs or exchange ideas. But I always come to my own conclusions.
David and I need to talk. But I do like the idea of us living together. And since he trusts me he knows I would not steal his stuff or try to hurt him. It's just not in me. I'm only going to give him about a week to make a decision because I need to find a place to live. I'm not going to wait for him forever. I want to make a decision about a week before the 30th.
Other than succeeding in my class my other two main objectives are to submit an SAP appeal and a petition for retroactive withdrawal for Fall 2012. The first will allow me to receive financial aid for school and the second will give me back a term and allow me to retake two classes without needing petitions to retake classes.
I am also trying to get a job before Fall. There aren't as many people in Davis so I have a good chance of getting something. It's usually pretty easy to get a job by Fall. I look forward to working and finally learning how to do my taxes. I don't expect to earn a lot of money but I do want to become more like a real adult. Next I will need a license and a car. I hope David can still help me with driving practice and providing me with one of his car's for the driving test. I keep stock of all, if not most, of the promises he has made thus far. I don't like fairytale bullshit lies, just be honest.
I think he regrets giving Amanda one of his cars b/c of his money troubles. But whatever, that's on him.
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