Return to madness

It's been a long time since I paid any attention to this blog. While I was away I had life experiences--some good, some bad. And the bad ones have left deep internal wounds that I'm trying to learn how to cope with. Lately it has been very difficult. I don't mind discussing these issues since no one really knows who I am unless they're aware of my blog via Facebook. I suppose first I should establish some ground rules for anyone who happens to stumble upon this blog.

1. You are not entitled to commentary on my blog. If you say something that offends me or other users I will eliminate your statements and I may block you. I really don't care for bullshit and bigoted nonsense. I'm a wreck as is and I already feel like I'm headed to any early grave. So I don't need triggers, I don't need anymore panic attacks. I just need this to be my space and if you're a kindred spirit you can share in the experience. 
2. I do want to be open to people who have similar issues and wish to talk to someone. I'm a very lonely person so I've been trying to find ways to cope with loneliness and my inability to form deep and intimate relationships with other people. I wish I knew people that I could call my friends but I have learned that most of the people I know are just "friends of convenience." Accepting this truth is hard but I'm trying to get used to it. I just wish I wasn't so afraid to talk to people. I already assume that no one wants to be my friend and so addressing the issue of friendship would probably be undesirable. I know that should I have an emergency I can probably ask someone for something but I can't expect people to be there in the aftermath when I really need someone. Anyway, if you want to talk just let me know.
3. I want people to proceed with caution if they decide to use of racial, ethnic, gender, sexuality, dis/ability and other types of slurs and discriminatory language. I myself am a black woman so I don't tolerate someone being racist, sexist or misogynistic toward me. And I won't accept people trying to hurt others who are also minorities. As an ally it's just basic courtesy for me to stand up for people regardless of whether or not I identify with said groups. I will also try and follow this rule myself. But if you find something questionable feel free to let me know. I may make mention of certain language, for instance dropping the b-bomb if I'm venting, but it will most likely just be in an effort to educate other people regarding my beliefs. I would probably only use the b-word and n-word. I also use "queer" as an umbrella term.
4. Do not expect me to be a representative for any of the groups I identify with. I am an individual and I can only speak from my experience. Depending on the subject I may generalize but I will always use adjectives such as "some," so as not to use hyperbolic statements. If addressing white supremacy or institutional racism my wording may not conform to that standard. But I think most people will understand what I mean when I say that I'm addressing a system that people benefit from and may even participate in actively.

That's it for now. I'm a bit tired. I just felt the need to get this started. I will probably post something later today or tomorrow. I have a lot of things to cover. Other than my personal issues I may also address my feelings on current events and media, among other things.