Suicide: there is always a way out of a bad situation

Recently I read a post by fellow blogger Francis L. Holland regarding a recent upward trend in visits to his site. The impetus appeared to be increasing thoughts or interest in suicide among his readers. I'm somewhat familiar with the desire for self-harm. When I was in high school I attempted to OD on diet pills to see what would happen. Thankfully I did not suffer anything worse than a minor head ache. I've had friends who cut themselves to try to find relief from their turbulent environments and feelings of isolation and hopelessness. I would usually only find out about this after the fact. I had no real way of helping them with their problems; all I could do was listen.

So I understand a little about the desire to hurt oneself even to the point of ending ones life. I myself have travelled around town looking for bridges to jump off of. I've contemplated whether or not a collision with a car could knock the life out of me. I've researched poisons and their relative efficacy. Dying in my apartment seems like a terrible idea because it would be a burden on my housemate and my blood soaking the carpet would ruin any chances of management surrendering the security deposit. I've considered taking up residence in my housemate's upstairs bathtub, slitting my wrist and allowing time to pass slowly before I fade into unconsciousness.

There seem to be so many wonderful ways to die. I feel like I just have to wait for the right occasion and opportunity. It's not nice to kill myself while my mother is still alive so I would prefer to wait until she has passed. But if I find that I can't sustain myself for that long then I will try to make my death as burdenless as possible. I will have my debts paid off and have money set aside so my mother can enjoy her retirement comfortably. And perhaps by then I will have made some worthwhile contribution to the survival of earth and its inhabitants.

I don't think anyone needs to suffer, especially in an oppressive situation. Suicide can be a way out. You will not suffer eternal damnation by killing yourself. If you need to do it don't let the condemnation of others weigh you down. Free yourself. But if you have doubts about committing suicide just spend time with someone else. Hell, feel free to talk to me. You are not alone in your feelings. You are not the only one to have felt such insurmountable sadness and loneliness. Maybe there is a way out. You owe it to the rest of the world to try to find a solution to your predicaments. There will surely be someone who cares enough to try to help you find your own fire to light your darkened path.

I am trying. You can keep trying with me.